Thursday, 29 January 2015

Signs That The World Has Gone Completely Crazy #8

A pop starlet has trademarked some phrases from her lyrics, common phrases that contain no original ideas or uses of the language. She has done this to ensure that she makes all the money from the sales of any t shirts that employ those phrases. 

I'm considering opening an underground t shirt printing business called Sue Me.


Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Dear Rupert

Dear Rupert,
                    I hope you don't mind me calling you Rupert? You've been in my life for so long I feel like we are old mates. Don't you?

Rupert, as an old friend, I feel there is something you need to know. I'm sure it is just an oversight on your behalf, but my deep affection for you compels me to point it out. 

Rupert, buddy, you have never been elected, by anybody, to any public office. Are you aware of this fact? It's just that I can't help noticing that you feel you possess the power and the right to make political decisions for Australia, to decide, amongst other things, who should be the Chief of Staff to the Prime Minister. As an unelected member of the public, and a citizen of the United States of America, this decision is not yours to make. No political decisions are yours to make. You've never been elected. By anyone. For anything.

It's possible you have simply misunderstood the democratic system in Australia. I quite understand. In many nations the possession of ludicrous wealth permits interference in political decisions. In Australia no such arrangement exists. This news may come as a shock to you. You have no more rights or power than any other citizen. If anything, as a member of the press, as someone who is supposed to be a balanced reporter, you, perhaps, have less right to offer an opinion than most. 

I hope you won't take this the wrong way mate. I know your intentions are good. You've always had the good of the people in your heart. You can ask anyone, they'll always reply, "Rupert? Oh, yes, a friend of the people, he's always looking out for us". Really they will. 

So Rupert, I do hope you will take this advice on board, in the spirit in which it is offered, in the spirit of friendship and goodwill. I hope I won't see any more of this silly interference in affairs that are not yours to decide, or that you will stand for election so you can implement all the excellent ideas you no doubt have. I'm sure you'd be elected by all of us who see you as an old friend, a man who has been in our lives for so long that we can't imagine our lives without you in them.


Kent Parkstreet

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

A Cure For Colds And Korean Pop Stars

Medical researchers in the United Kingdom are investigating the bizarre anti viral properties of a pop song titled Drum, by the Melbourne Australia based duo named jak. It is hoped that the specific element that makes this song resistant to any viral reaction may be simulated in the laboratory, leading to cures for the common cold and annoying Korean pop stars. 

You can hear the song that is under investigation here:


Sunday, 25 January 2015

Australia Day, Invasion Day

Throughout Europe and Asia everyone has invaded everyone else. Last century everyone invaded everyone else in the course of two world wars. Human history is the history of invasions.

Today, on a train station, I was called a white cunt. I was told that today, January 26th, is Invasion Day, not Australia Day. I had no reason to argue, this country, like every other piece of land on the planet, was invaded, in 1788, on January 26th. 

Between sixty thousand and forty thousand years ago waves of people invaded this island continent. These people altered the environment, brutally, with fire. They caused the extinction of much of the indigenous fauna. They invaded a piece of land that had no humans on it, but they didn't wander in and live in harmony with the land. 

It was only the accident of geography that prevented Australia being repeatedly invaded by dozens of other peoples over thousands of years. It was happening everywhere else on the planet. When the correct technology arrived Australia too was invaded. 

By today's code of morality invading any land is considered uncool. It still happens, it is happening in Ukraine right now. It is happening in West Papua, Tibet, all over what we call the Middle East, invasion happens. We'd prefer it didn't, and modern, developed, secular states have largely stopped doing it. Two centuries ago there were no secular states as we know them, invasion was considered glorious. We can't go back in time and correct that way of thinking. It happened. That's the reality.

So Australia was invaded, people were dispossessed, their culture overridden by another. There can be no doubting it happened. Australia is now a modern, developed, secular state that mostly lives at peace with every other country, where most citizens live in peace. There is no way to return this place to a Stone Age culture, and I doubt anyone would want to. 

So how do we reconcile our modern code of morality with the history of our nation? That history happened, it can't be undone now, the question is what we can do for the future? 

There are symbolic actions we can take, like acknowledging the indigenous nations that were invaded. We can ensure that every Australian, including new immigrants, is educated about the history of this land. We can take practical steps to ensure that every Australian gets a share of the wealth and peace of a modern, developed, secular nation. Most importantly, we can accept that an invasion occurred. That acceptance will hopefully inform wise words and actions in the future.

I can understand why a handful of angry people would call me names and physically intimidate me on a railway station. I can't say I enjoyed the experience, but I understand it. Those people are still angry about their land being invaded, and angry that the fact isn't recognised on the day that celebrates the beginning of the invasion. I'd be angry if I were in their position. You would be angry too. Yet I can't help thinking that such actions don't help anyone, if anything such actions confirm the us versus them status of the past. While I was being approached and abused on an empty train station I felt I was in an us versus them situation, or me versus them. It's only now, a couple of hours later, after cooling down, that I can understand why it happened. 

Perhaps we all need to step back from Australia Day and decide what we are celebrating, what the day represents to us, what it represents to all Australians? Do national pride days even need to be celebrated? If we must celebrate the day this modern nation began should part of that celebration be an acceptance that this nation was born at the expense of the death of hundreds of Aboriginal nations? 

Australia Day, Invasion Day, there is no doubt this day represents both. We can't change this history, we can change how we understand and react to that history, hopefully write a better future for all Australians.


Thursday, 22 January 2015

The Politicians We Deserve

G.K. Chesterton said something about political progressives refusing to stop making mistakes, and conservatives refusing to fix them. In our current Western democracies the line between progressives and conservatives has become blurred, it's difficult to discern who is making the mistakes and who is upholding them as the status quo. 

Taking on a political career is a risky business. Who would choose to open their life to a shallow, scandal hungry media and to an ill informed public? When the slightest slip of the tongue is reported, but the content of an argument is ignored, the job of a politician has become very close to impossible. With well funded lobby groups of all kinds enjoying the freedom of sniping from the sidelines without the responsibility of having to make decisions power has moved from politicians to unelected individuals and organisations. 

In the attempt to please all the people all the time, to avoid being ridiculed over trivialities, politicians have become middle of the road, neither progressive nor conservative, less and less able to make decisions. They deliberately say nothing, and when possible, do nothing. At the same time they have to maintain the illusion of doing something, a constant stream of packaged nonsense that says nothing and does nothing. 

So we are governed by progressives who are so afraid of making mistakes that they become impotent, and conservatives who are so afraid of fixing anything that they suffer the same fate. Our governments react to public opinion, the noisiest and stupidest public opinion, rather than leading public opinion, rather than leading us.

The solution to this problem is in our own hands. While we are lazy and thoughtless our politicians will remain submissive to lobbyists who exploit our shallowness. While we swallow what we are fed without discernment we will be fed the same diet of stupidity we currently receive. Only when we, the people, begin to pay attention, apply some thought and reason, will our politicians become free to govern again.

We elect our politicians, we decide who will lead and govern us. While we allow unelected individuals and organisations to sway our opinions we will be lead and governed by them, not by the people we choose. 

Politicians are flawed humans, like the rest of us. They make mistakes, they don't fix them as effectively as we'd prefer. They take on a nearly impossible job, a job that will only become possible again when we set them free by being informed and involved. Until then we will receive the politicians we deserve.


Wednesday, 21 January 2015

We Need Radio Play

If you've been reading this blog for a while, perhaps you can help us out? All you have to do is go to this link:


Then press play. If we receive enough plays on this site the song will be picked up for airplay.

This song is also on our Bandcamp site, see the music player at the top of this post. If you like it you can share it and/or buy it there.

Thank you all in advance.


Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Yes Nanny #9

If you ever find yourself on a Melbourne train . . . don't do anything.