When you are enjoying a nice steak they'll tell you how much water it requires to put that steak on your plate. Then they'll talk about cow farts. They really will. Cow farts are going to change our climate, and once the water has entered the cow it never returns, it is lost from the system forever. And animals farting is a new thing, they never did it before we began burning fossil fuels. It's not that they care about the climate, rather it's that they hate humans. They want us all to be miserable. Then when you look a little deeper into their pious, smug, superior lives you can't help noticing the flights to India, the two cars in the garage, the air conditioner, the blatant hypocrisy. And they can't wait until you've enjoyed your steak, allow you to digest it, smoke a cigarette, sip a coffee, they have to leap in on your first, luscious bite, like green ninjas, assassinating what should be a jolly old time spent enjoying a medium rare, char grilled piece of gorgeousness. They hate anyone enjoying themselves because they have forgotten how to enjoy anything themselves. They've turned everything into a guilt trip, an angstfest, a depressing commentary on how appalling your values are. And all you want is a steak. And some peace to eat it in. A meal that doesn't involve people expressing their hatred of you and your enjoyment of life. Then when they're done with hating you for your steak they'll hate you for your coffee, because someone is being exploited somewhere, even though they don't really care about people being exploited, they just want to be outraged, indignant, to hate everyone and everything that others enjoy. But then they'll expect others to love them, because they are so caring, and they'll employ the word passionate, even though it doesn't require any passion to sit and complain and spout unreliable statistics and nonsense science. Where does that water go after it enters the cow? So when you feel yourself hating them, trying to convince yourself that they mean well, knowing they really don't, don't feel guilty, let yourself go and hate them freely, because they hate you, and you enjoying yourself, and your steak, miserable bastards that they are.
"So I should be silent because of your threat of violence?"
"I don't care which way you choose."
"What do you mean, which way?"
"Well, you can shut up due to my threat of violence, or shut up due to my actual violence, it's all the same to me."
How did it come to this? I'll tell you.
Some guy, a complete stranger sitting at the same large, shared cafe table as me noticed I was holding my phone close to my face to read it. He brought this fact to my attention, even though I was obviously already aware of it. He then proceeded to question me, why, why didn't I wear glasses, contact lenses? All I could think to reply was, "why do you think?". The fellow then became a little upset, told me how frustrated it makes him when people with problems wouldn't even try to fix them. He really did. I assured him that was his problem and requested that he tell someone else about it. He persisted. I considered explaining the nature and range of my eye problems, decided against it, told him I'd prefer he leave me in peace with my coffee. He continued to offer me his opinions about the wonders of modern medicine and why I should try every option. Again I considered explaining that I had tried every option, that I was waiting on a new surgical technique to become available, and again decided against it. I repeated my request that he leave me alone, to no avail, and the above dialogue was the result.
I would have done it too, dragged him outside and punched him. His condescending attitude was too much for my usually vast stores of patience to bare. Fortunately the cafe owner noticed the man's excited tone and raised voice and stepped in, asked him to move tables.
The physical limitations of a physical disability are rarely the most difficult aspect to deal with. Other people, and their well intentioned advice, are the most difficult aspects to deal with.
Sometimes it is time to move. Sometimes it is time to move away from where you are, other times it is time to move to where you want to be. For me, right now, it is time to move away from where I am.
There are petty reasons, the mad woman who screams all night, the guy downstairs who plays softcock radio at maximum volume all day. There are larger reasons, that all I came here to do has come to nothing or turned to shit. I wasn't here because I love it here, I was here for reasons, and those reasons no longer exist.
I'm not moving to where I want to be. I don't know where I want to be. Not here is just a starting point. Elsewhere is a pretty big location. There is lots of elsewhere out there, some of it has to be better than here. Better for me anyway.
So I'm having a good look at elsewhere. It turns out that looking at elsewhere requires a lot of looking at myself, because I want to place myself in that elsewhere.
Or I can don a blindfold and stick a pin in a map. There is a fair chance that a random selection will be equally as successful as any deeply considered decision. Or unsuccessful.
I have to take myself to wherever I go, make of it what I can. I don't know where I'll go. All I know is that it is time to move.