I listen to Sonny Rollins play saxophone and wonder why I bother? I know it is a foolish question, no matter how good you get at doing anything there will always be some prick who is better at it than you, by comparing ourselves to others we doom ourselves to doing nothing. Yet he is so much better, in every way, I don't have to actively compare, the difference stands out like the balls of the proverbial dog.
In the end there is no point doing anything, let alone excelling at anything. What does it matter? We will be dead soon enough and unable to do whatever it is we do any more. Being just average at doing something seems even more futile. It isn't, average or brilliant, it's all the same.
So why put my horn together, apply a reed, blow through it and make noise? Why? There must be a reason we all go on doing stuff, trying to improve. There must be. Mr. Rollins brings joy to the world with his genius, I can see why he does it. Why do the rest of us plonkers go on?
When I write this blog I usually post some questions then try to respond to them. In this case I have no satisfactory response. I don't know why I go on doing what I do. I know it beats working, that's about all I know.
The funny thing is that I know I play flute in a blues style better than most. I can say that without feeling embarrassed, having admitted to being an average saxophonist. Yet I don't know why I do that either. Being average or very good doesn't seem to make any difference.
The only answer I can find is that playing music satisfies something inside me. Not much of an answer, is it? After twenty years you'd think I'd have more to offer. Wouldn't you?
I'd dearly love to hear why you do what you do. I really want to know. Perhaps someone can pass this on to Sonny Rollins and he can give me a satisfactory answer?