I tried every trick I know. One morning I just woke up free.
I tried forgetting her, not loving her, hating her, sought distraction, tried everything. One morning, this morning, I suddenly didn't give a crap any more.
I must have dreamed a healthy dose of reality, seeing her clearly, seeing us clearly, seeing that I am better than what I was offered by her. Pretty simple, huh?
It's not the pain and loss, it's the confusion, not understanding why, that sticks, that diminishes us, that holds us back from living. Deep down we know why. Deep down we know but deny it because we don't want to know. Knocking down pedestals is a harsh business for an art lover, sometimes the pretty statue needs to be brought to ground so a new one can be erected.
Today all my options feel open, she is no longer all I see. Today I am free. Daunting, all this freedom, what to do with it, where to take it, who to share it with? I'll think about all that another day.
Today I woke up free and I'm going to enjoy it freely.